


Pale Yellow

by GoingHaywire



Category: Hitman (Video Games)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Feels, Depression, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Gender-neutral Reader, Hitman season 3 spoilers, Major Spoilers, Personal Growth, Sadness, Short, Spoilers, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-17 08:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29714643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoingHaywire/pseuds/GoingHaywire
Summary: SULPHUR /ˈsʌl.fər/nounA pale yellow chemical element that exists in various physical forms.One of the most reactive of the elements.*Things will never be the same.Your grief won’t change that.*Based on Pale Yellow by Woodkid
Relationships: Agent 47/Reader, Agent 47/You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. Release the drain and let the fluid go

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This story contains MAJOR HITMAN 3 SPOILERS!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DENIAL

They say that in moments of extreme emotion, time seems to stand still. 

It felt as if you had been quiet for five, six minutes. In reality, it took you mere seconds to respond.

“What?” your voice was stronger than intended, with a breath of humour behind your question. 

Diana looked at you, exhaled, and reached for your hand, taking it.

“I’m really sorry.”

You shook your head, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips. “That’s ridiculous.” you told her. “You’re telling me that Agent 47 has injected himself with the Ether serum that makes him forget…” 

For a second, you paused, volume decreasing to a whisper, “Everything?”

Diana gave you a small nod. “We don’t know where he is. Arthur Edwards is gone too, only God knows where to… They only found an empty syringe. I fear the worst. Truly, (Y/n), I’m so sorry. I know how much he meant to you, and what you had... “

You blinked a few times, smiling. “No, no, that’s not true. He would never do that to himself.”

“Don’t lie to yourself, (Y/n).” Diana sighed, “You and I both know that he would already have contacted us a long time ago.”

“He is probably just running into some trouble.” you said, shrugging. “He will contact us sooner or lat--”

“(Y/n).” Diana interrupted. “It’s the reality. Agent 47 has been injected and now doesn’t--”

“I won’t listen to those lies!” you exclaimed, anger building in your eyes. “Stop trying to convince me that 47 has done something so stupid!”

“The truth isn’t always pretty.” she told you. “And you deserved to know.”

“He wouldn’t do that to me.” you snapped, “You don’t know him as well as I do. He wouldn’t fall for pressure like that. He wouldn’t…” your voice wavered and you shook your head. “He would never do that to me. He loves me…” for a second, you paused, “Right?” 

Diana’s silence spoke volumes as she looked at you with pity in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, I--”

“I don’t need your apologies. He will show up.” you assured, “He will show up. Just wait and see!”


	2. Just make the liquor flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ANGER

The whiskey burned in your throat yet you did throw back another shot without allowing yourself time to get used to it. 

You sighed, reaching over to the near-empty bottle on the floor.

“Look at you.” Diana sighed as she entered your living room, “You are a mess.” 

“Of course I’m a mess! That motherfucker just thinks he can walk away like that! Not a word! Apparently, he is an ungrateful piece of shit!”

You gulped back the final contents of the liquor and flinched.

“You’re drunk.” Diana commented, placing her purse on one of the armchairs before leaning down to investigate the shreds of paper - it was once a picture of you and Agent 47, torn apart, remaining in a bunch of fragments scattered around the living room.

“So, you’re just here to judge me? Laugh at me?” You stood, albeit wobbly, and walked towards her. “Bet 47 did that too, huh? Judge me all the time for being emotionally unstable, take advantage of my feelings for him, and nothing he ever returned was ever real!” 

Diana grabbed your arm as you dangerously swayed your arms to the side, hoping to regain your balance. “Of course he didn’t.” was her answer. “You meant a lot to him.”

“I meant a lot to him, my ass,” you slurred, tears of fury building in the corners of your eyes, “If I meant a lot to him, he wouldn’t have done that shit! Well, good riddance, if anything! Agent 47 is such a motherfucking asshole. If I ever see him again, I will shove his head into a--”

“(Y/n), that’s enough. Let me get you into bed.” Diana prevented you from falling over by wrapping an arm around you.

“I’m not tired!” you protested, “Fuck!”

“Come on.” 

Seething and furious, though too drunk to fight back, you let yourself be dragged towards your bedroom. Your friend helped you onto your bed, momentarily disappearing to the kitchen and soon returning with a glass of water.

“Drink this.”   
“No.”   
“(Y/n).” Diana warned. When you pulled the duvet over yourself, she just placed it on your nightstand.    
“Go to sleep.”

“I don’t need sleep!” you replied as she walked away, closing the bedroom door behind her.

With a furious sweep of your arm, you flung the glass of water across the room. It shattered against the wall, leaving a sodden, dripping stain.


	3. As my heart races, I wanted you to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BARGAINING

“What are you doing?” Diana quizzed as she looked over your shoulder. You perked up your head from your work, pushing your reading glasses a bit further up your nose.

“I am looking for chemical components which can make someone remember their past.”

Her lips slightly parted as she watched the page on your laptop. “That’s Wikipedia.” 

“Yes.” you replied, “Nothing wrong with that. Now please, leave me be, I have plenty to do.”

“What exactly are you planning on doing once you have this together?”    
You rolled your eyes as if it was the most obvious question ever.

“I am going to find 47 and inject him with it. That way, things will be the same again.”

Penning down some notes onto the paper before you, you sighed as you thought about how it would be to meet with him again. Would he recognise you? Once he got back his memories, would he kiss you, finally? 

How you had dreamed of that moment… He’d certainly be grateful for you rescuing him from Arthur Edwards. You daydreamed about him scooping you up into his arms and then--

“I hate to break it to you,” Diana whispered, “But this won’t bring him back.”

“If I try hard enough, it will.” you told her. “Trust me on this one.” 

  
She put a hand on your shoulder, squeezed it, and left you be.    
After all, you had been through a lot lately.    
Perhaps it was better to let you live in your dream for a while longer.


	4. I will rise again, slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DEPRESSION

Your apartment was stuffy upon entrance. Diana Burnwood’s heels clicked against the floorboards as she tried avoiding stepping on astray tissues and other garbage.

“(Y/n)?” she called out. There was no response.    
The door to your bedroom was ajar - she approached it and found you under your blankets, your face hidden from view.

“(Y/n).” You didn’t respond to her, your shoulders shaking unevenly instead.

Diana sighed and sat down at the edge of your bed, putting a consoling hand on your body.

“I’m not a chemist.” you sniffled. “I will never be able to make a serum to help him remember.”

Your bottom lip trembled as tears streamed down your cheeks endlessly. The puffy red skin underneath your eyes told Diana that you had been crying for a long time already.

“I’m sorry.” she whispered. “I truly am. One day, you will be able to move on.”

“I will never be able to move on.” you said.

“You are stronger than you think, (Y/n). You will fight your way through this.”

Turning in your bed, you locked eyes with her. “I love him.”   
“I know.”   
“It will never be the same.”   
  


Diana paused. “I know. I promise it will be alright.” 

You nodded, burying your face into your pillow, silent tears drenching the soft cotton.


	5. My love for you will be gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACCEPTANCE

For the first time in months, your apartment was clean.    
Diana stepped inside and was met with the sight of you sitting at your kitchen table, a suitcase at your side.

“What’s this?” she quizzed, slightly puzzled at the emptiness of the room.

“I’m leaving.” you said. “For a while. Not forever, I just…” 

Pausing, you lifted your tea to your lips, taking a sip. “It will do me good. Everything around here reminds me of him. Maybe I will meet someone else.”

“Where will you be going?” Diana asked.

“I don’t know yet. Far away.”

She walked towards you and pulled you into an embrace. The scent of her perfume was familiar and welcoming - one of the little things that reminded you of better times, long ago.

“It’s been almost a year.” you said, “I’m only destroying myself by remaining here.” 

“You’re so strong.” Diana whispered, kissing your cheek. “And I am proud of you, my friend. I am proud that you are trying to move on. If I had experienced something similar, I don’t know what I would have done.” 

You shook your head. “You are stronger than me.” you said, “You lost your parents when you were young.”

Diana smiled a little and cupped your cheek, looking you into the eye. “Quit discrediting yourself, (Y/n). You’ve come a far way. I’m looking forward to seeing you return, but please, take all the time you need.”

You hugged her for another moment before grabbing your suitcase, looking around your apartment one last time.

“Can you take care of my plants for me?”

“Any time.” Diana promised, “Only if you swear to call me occasionally.”

  
“Of course.” you told her, “I will do that.”


	6. I will fix the pain on my own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RELAPSE

Rain cascaded down and you held your coffee closer to your body in an attempt to warm up. Even though you tried your best, your clothes remained drenched.

The streets of Oulu, Finland, were full of life, despite the terrible weather and the darkness of night. The streetlights set the city in a beautiful hue.

You had tried to find yourself around here, to give yourself some time off, and frankly, it had been going well.

Two months ago, you had left the comforts of your home, going from city to city, taking in views, attempting to enjoy life. 

It had been a good thing, you figured. Occasionally, you called Diana to tell how you were doing; you told her about the new people you had run into, the stories you had heard, and she enjoyed listening to them.

She never asked you about Agent 47. The last thing you needed was those wounds opened again.

Still, his image remained engraved on your brain.

You would know him out of a million faces.   
The sound of his voice was too familiar to leave your mind. 

It was almost as if he was standing right there. Usually stiff, back straightened, blue eyes scanning the area- 

-You nearly dropped your coffee, your heart skipping several beats in your chest. Agent 47 was _actually_ standing there. 

Slowly, you stood, walking up to him. 

_Would he recognize you?_

_Why were you even approaching him?_

“Forty-sev--” your voice hitched as he looked at you, icy eyes locking with yours. “47.” you repeated, letting out a shivering exhale. 

He narrowed his eyes, inspecting you.

“Who are you?”

“I’m…” you stared at him, contemplating whether you should touch his cheek or not. Oh, you wanted to do that so badly, but you knew that it wouldn’t end well.

You closed your eyes, shaking your head. “No one. I’m no one. Forget I said anything.”

You could feel his eyes burn into the back of your head as you rushed away, holding your belongings close, as if they could protect you against the cold harshness of his face.  
Tears slipped over your cheeks silently, endlessly, and you wished to never see him again.


	7. My love for you will be gone II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ACCEPTANCE II

The sound of life bounced through your skull - the muttering of people around you. It made your head ache, and so you knocked back another drink.

It had been three weeks since you had seen Agent 47 on the streets of Oulu.

He had appeared in your dreams often ever since that encounter.   
You refused to let yourself fall again.

Diana didn’t know about that moment. 

Would she call you weak if she knew? Would she encourage you to find him again, to seek him out and tell him you loved him?

It would only cause heartbreak. He didn’t even know who you were, and you would never come that close again.

It was a losing game regardless.

You were on your fifth shot that evening when a figure sat down next to you at the bar, ordering a drink.

It was a man with a scruffy beard and dark curls. His eyes were strikingly blue as they found yours.

“Hey.” he said. “Are you here with someone?”

You smiled sheepishly and shook your head.

“Me neither. I’m Tobias.”

You blinked a few times before shaking his hand, which he was holding out to you.

“(Y/n).” you replied. 

“You’re not from around here, are you?”

“No.” you briefly stated. “Not really.”

“On a vacation, then?” Tobias thanked the bartender for his drink before turning to you fully.

“Something like that.”

“I wouldn’t mind showing you around here.”

He winked at you and you felt your heart jump in your chest.

“I’d like that.” you responded, taking a sip of your drink, though suddenly the idea of imbibing rum all night was not very attractive to you anymore.

“Can I have your number?” he smiled at you. 

“Of course.” was your response.

Perhaps this was your chance at happiness again.

You pulled out your phone and saw that Diana had sent you a message a few hours prior:

_ ‘How have you been, (Y/n)? Have you been up to anything interesting?” _

  
_ Yes, _ you thought to yourself, and you couldn’t wait to tell her all about tonight.


End file.
